My Parents

Today is a special day for me.  It is the anniversary of my parents death.  10 years ago today I held my father's hand as he passed from this mortal life.  20 years ago today I held my mother's hand as she crossed through the veil to Heaven.  In two days it will be 18 years since I held my grandfather's hand as he too passed.

The Christmas season is a natural time to think of our loved ones, both those living and those who have moved on, but particularly those who we no longer have daily or regular interaction with and whom we miss.  It is an especially significant, meaningful and powerful time for me because I have such special and sacred memories of being with my loved ones during their final time here on the earth.

What greater blessing could I have asked for than to loving hold the hands of my parents (and grandfather) as they left this life when I know that they were there, loving holding my hands, as I came into this life.  The veil between heaven and earth is so thin at both birth and death.  There is a sacredness and a touch of the divine.  An overwhelming sense of love and yes, tears on both occasions.  

I still miss them.  That never goes away.  It gets easier...and worse.  One day you realize you can't really remember the sound of their voice, but you can still remember clearly the color of their eyes, or their smile, their hands.   You "see" them in the face, laugh or mannerism of a random stranger and you know they are still with you.  They visit you in a dream.  You find the perfect gift for them while Christmas shopping and you tell them "This is what I would buy you!"

They have missed some significant milestones in my life.  They all saw me get married, but my grandfather and my mother never got to hold or meet my children.  My dad did.  He held every one of them.  And although they may have little or no memory of him I have memories of them together, and that will do.

So, yes, today is a special day for me.  While I still grieve and miss them, while today is also a hard day for me,  I still have gratitude.  Gratitude for the time I did have with them.  Gratitude for my memories of them.  Gratitude for the gifts they have given to me and for contributing to the person that I am today. Gratitude that I was blessed and able to be with them when they died.  Those were hard days, but also blessed and sacred beyond measure.  It was their final Christmas gift to me, and I will treasure it always!